news in briefs – Page 2 – The Daily Opinion

News in Briefs 21/05/12

At the time of writing, Chelsea have just won the European Championship for the first time in their history and their ultimate goal of buying every major club trophy has come to fruition. Obviously, its sport that’s dominated the latter end of the week, but Greece decided to pop up yet again and ruin everybody’s economic recovery.

Political Oops of the Week

My political oops of the week may actually be a tad controversial as I’m choosing the G8 commitment to keeping Greece in the Euro and promoting growth. Let’s look at what they are trying to do. They have a country on its knees without a stable government and they want to pump more and more money into it in order to promote growth and help it recover.

Now, this is just looking at the problem on paper. On paper the solution works and everything should be fine and dandy, however it doesn’t work like this. We live in a world of capitalism, and capitalism can only grow if private investors invest in that country. What moron is going to invest in Greece? Nobody will trust that country at all as it has no growth prospects and nobody is attempting to take the first move.

Pump — Keep pumping, maybe one day it'll work.

Politicians can spill their silly words as much as they like, but no investor with any ounce of success will buy into it. Eventually, this is going to collapse like a pack of cards. There can be no recovery without a reset button. It would be best to let them collapse and then use the money we would have used pumping cash into a pointless cause to save Europe and limit the collapse. But they won’t do that. Within a few years we are going to be on our knees with the rest of Europe, and there will be a lot of violence.

The Painful…

Will Smith was in the news this week as his Men in Black 3 premier in Russia turned violent when a reporter attempted to kiss him on the lips. He didn’t take too kind of this so a swift backhanded slap ended the reporter’s crusade to kiss a black, American film star. But the shocking thing was that Will Smith actually apologised in his next interview, which is kind of strange since he was the victim here. If a random guy tries to kiss you on the lips then you punch him in the face immediately.

TMZ.com reported that this wasn’t an incident which is out of the ordinary for the Ukrainian reporter in question, though, as he apparently makes his name by attempting to kiss unsuspecting celebrities.

…And the Pointless

Do you remember those times where we see someone from reality TV, especially Big Brother, and you are internally screaming “Please, for the love of humanity, please just die.”? I do, in fact that’s why I stopped watching that sort of stuff as it makes me go a little crazy, but the medication does help. Jade Goody was famous for passing on when she was under 30, and it surely wasn’t going to be the last victim of an early death if we look at the lifestyles some of these celebrities lead today.

It happened again quite recently actually as a Big Brother star from series 10 died. Sophia Brown, a Lupus sufferer (for those who don’t know, it’s an ulcerative skin disease), has reportedly passed away at the age of 30 (yes, another one who couldn’t make it over 30). As of this writing, the cause of death was unknown. However, the way I see it is that it’s just removing a small skid mark from the underwear of the world, and yet it’s received massive coverage over multiple news websites. It’s quite amazing how someone so irrelevant can gain more coverage than a heroic individual saving someone from a burning building, for example.

The so Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious

Some things are just not supposed to appear in a meal. These things are known as meal breakers. Lately, a hash brown from McDonalds had a deep friend giant insect baked into it, but 14-year-old Ryan Hart had a meal breaker of his own as he found part of a human finger in his meal. The Arby’s restaurant in Michigan admitted that the finger had most likely come from a worker who had injured themselves and then left the area. Although, it does confuse me exactly how no worker noticed that somebody had just chopped their finger off in the first place. Still, if they did then we wouldn’t be able to see one of these meal breakers in action.

McDonalds grill — How in the blue hell did nobody notice that?

A Positive Outlook for the Week

I’ll be honest, this is going to be a terrible week for me. Firstly, people are still going to be worrying about the Eurozone, and then handling it badly. But at the same time I’m going to have to watch a load of utter tosh about the Olympic Relay. Yes, we get it, the torch is going around a large part of the country. It doesn’t need a news bulletin every few hours, seriously. Oh and the Jubilee again. 60 years of sitting on one’s behind, waving, and pretending to care about poor people through a charity doesn’t warrant millions and millions of pounds for a celebration.

So next week will be as bleak and irritating after all…

News in Briefs 13/05/12

When we do the ‘political oops of the week’ it’s normally a metaphorical oops, but this week it’s a literal one. We also have painful mixed with stupidity, as well as lots of other news. It’s actually quite a good week for this column because we had to cut stuff which would have made it last week, the week before that, etc.

Political Oops of the Week

As promised, this week’s oops is literal. Have you ever been watching the television only to find out you just won an election to become the mayor of the town? No? Me neither, but one Italian man did just that. Isn’t it strange how it always seems to be a town in the middle of rural Italy that comes up with these stories?

50-year-old Fabio Borsatti rose to fame in the mountain town of Cimolais as he became the mayor of the town. The truth is he actually just stood as a candidate as a favour to a friend who was the reigning mayor of the town. The reason for this is that he thought that it would seem a little sketchy if he was the only candidate, and therefore winning by default.

But run he did, and through all the odds he overcame everything and found out about it when somebody rang him up to congratulate him whilst he was watching the football. Mayor Borsatti even admitted that he didn’t even want to become mayor, however he was stuck with it.

You can’t really begin to understand how unlikely this occurrence was until you find out that his own family voted against him.

Good luck running a town like Cimolais when you didn’t even have any policies to start with, Mayor Borsatti!

The Painful…

Some people are just destined to be morons. This latest moron is British woman Jane Beirne, 57, who just had major surgery to reattach her heel after she slipped off a jetty that had no handrails in Israel. She hit a piece of metal and it left her heel hanging off of her foot. Naturally, she had no travel insurance so she had to pay around £10,000 to have it reattached.

She is now attempting to sue the mayor of Ma-alot Tarshikha in Israel because of her injury. If you can’t already see the flaw in her plan then let me enlighten you.

First of all, she is trying to sue the town on the basis that there were no handrails on the jetty. This would be completely understandable if it happened in this country, however there are no such rules over there. So she is now attempting to apply our rules and standards to another country. Fail number one.

Now, she honestly believes that she can use the solicitors of Britain to sue a town half a world away. And this is despite the fact that legal advice has told her that she would be unable to lodge a successful claim. Fail number two.

Finally, the fact she is out of pocket is that she forgot to take out travel insurance in the first place. She booked the holiday online so she is either just plain stupid or this is a convenient excuse to attempt to sue somebody. My verdict is that she tried to save money and is she now looking for a convenient excuse to get her money back. Fail number three, and you’re out!

…And the Pointless

This week it was the TIME Magazine cover which held a picture of a three-year-old breastfeeding that sparked controversy this week. Supposedly, people were upset because of the age of the child. But my question is why does it matter?

And the concept of breastfeeding is not the only reason I’m talking about this. I’m talking about this because people still seem to think that it’s their place to tell people how to raise their child. Now I’m not saying that inciting hatred or beating them is right as they are blanket issues which come into contact with the law of the land. But this breastfeeding picture in TIME Magazine seems to imply that people should be able to tell other people exactly how long to do something for, when to do something, and if they don’t do it they judge them.

Take a look at the slogan on the front: “Are You Mom Enough?” Already it’s implying that those who don’t breastfeed for this long are in some way inferior to other mothers. The article inside might not imply that, but the fact is that people are going to glean that sort of impression when they read the front cover.

Seriously, mind your own damn business!

The So Outrageous Yet Borderline Hilarious

Cockfighting is illegal in every US state, however it still goes on in places like California due to the fact that getting caught for illegal cockfighting only incurs a misdemeanour, whereas in other states it amounts to a serious criminal offense. The cocks (pun intended) got their revenge this week, though, as one man felt the full force of one cock (pun is still intended), and simultaneously suffered the consequences of breaking the law on cocks (pun will always be intended from now).

During the illegal cockfighting in the central California county of Tulare, the two animals had sharp knives attached to their legs; which is common practice. But Jose Luis Ochoa, aged 35, who was attending the fight, got more than he bargained for when he was attacked by one of the participant’s cocks.

The cock stabbed him in his leg with one of the knives and he was pronounced dead when he arrived at the hospital two hours later. At the moment, they are debating whether it was the fault of the people present that he died as he wasn’t given immediate treatment, but the fact is that he’s dead and it must have been a serious injury.

The coroner’s report reads “sharp force injury” to the right calf of Mr. Ochoa. Animal lovers will be smiling everywhere right now.

A Positive Outlook for the Week

Do you remember the time when you find a comedian who you really love for years and years and years, but as he gets older he steadily gets worse. You stay and watch him, but eventually people tell him he needs to stop. He doesn’t stop, though. He continues until you just want to kill him with a rusty hammer made out of the tears of the mass unemployed. Jeremy Hunt is like that, although he was never loved. But this week, I think he’s going to finally go.

So maybe next week won’t be so bleak and irritating after all…

News in Briefs 06/05/12

It was an eventful week in politics as the people of Britain took to the polls once again, even though it was a rather pathetic 32% turnout in the large majority of places. The football season in sport is coming to an end, and we have more idiocy and stupidity from America.

Oh and I enjoyed my trip in Brighton, if anyone was wondering.

Political Oops of the Week

I could go for the easy option and just rip into the fact that the Liberal Democrats and the Conservatives were soundly beaten in these local elections, but I’m not going to do that. I’m going to rip into the fact that the Liberal Democrats were beaten in the Edinburgh local elections by a penguin standing six feet tall from Planet Pipe.

His name was Professor Pongoo and he entered the local elections as an independent candidate. But the Liberal Democrats were humiliated when the penguin polled more votes than their party. In fact, Professor Pongoo polled 444 votes, the Lib Dems polled 370, and the Green Party polled 322. Nick Clegg and friends have really fallen from a great height since they entered power in Westminster.

In other news, something utterly hilarious happened as whilst Labour leader Ed Miliband was walking around Southampton, in order to brag how well he has been doing, he was hit on the shoulder by an egg that splattered over his nice new suit. Clearly the message is that you just can’t win when it comes to politics.

The Painful…

This section is brought to us by Italian football this week. Fiorentina manager Delio Rossi was sacked after he beat the living hell out of one of his players.

The incident occurred when he took the Serbian player Adem Ljajic off after 22 minutes. But Adem wasn’t too happy about the Fiorentina manager bringing him off so early so as he walked off he performed an ironic round of applause for his boss’s tactical mastery.

Not going to take this from some scumbag from the former Yugoslavian nation, the Fiorentina manager fell into the bench area and decided to teach him a lesson in pain. Adem was lucky because when his boss was pulled away it looked like he was lining up a punch, and it didn’t look like it was going to be a weak one. But he gained the final victory as the manager was sacked and the Italian press turned in his favour.

…And the Pointless

Have you ever loved a car or motorbike so much that you wanted to have sex with something right after driving it? On a personal note, the answer is never, but for other people I’m not too sure anymore because American Henry Wolf is attempting to sue BMW over this sort of problem.

BMW Bike — Is this the cure for erectile dysfunction?

He’s claiming that a permanent erection has been caused by a motorbike ride through San Francisco, California, which lasted four hours. His main ‘consequence’ according to him is that he is now unable to engage in sexual activity. Now this is quite strange because I would have thought that if you had a permanent erection you would be the perfect person to have regular sexual activity.

For once, the man would be able to outlast the woman!

The so Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious

My first question has to be: “Why is it always the Americans?”

And it really is always the Americans when it comes to crazy, religious, anti-gay nut jobs. The latest anti-gay nut job is a pastor from North Carolina, who preaches at the Berean Baptist Church in Fayetteville. Sean Harris recently made headlines when he suggested in a sermon that parents should beat their children for “looking gay”

This anti-gay nut job then went even further by claiming that he was similar to Jesus. Last time I checked, Jesus wasn’t a nice person all the time, but he didn’t preach hatred towards gay people. And I don’t even recall him preaching hatred towards anyone really. He turned a few tables in the temples, but he didn’t really hate them. He was the preacher of love, good, and all of that other wonderful stuff.

Yahweh (God), on the other hand, was the vengeful one. However, I suppose that this is just something that will blow over after a while. This sort of thing never stands up for long. Sean Harris seems like a Westboro Baptist Church wannabe really.

A Positive Outlook for the Week

Do you remember when current French president Nicolas Sarkozy acted like a total douche bag to David Cameron when it came to Europe? And do you also remember the rule of what goes around comes around? I do, and it seems to be true as this time next week he could be out of office. It’s quite funny how arrogant he was with his supermodel girl and his power over all of France, and now the world is watching him squirm.

In other news, the Iranian president Ahmadinejad is apparently falling out of favour in his own country. So could we be looking at the end of another tyrant? Although, you shouldn’t get your hopes up as his replacement will probably be one of those cases where everything gets much worse and we all end up craving for his return.

So maybe next week won’t be so bleak and irritating after all…

News in Briefs 23/04/12

Oh look, the potential fuel strike made yet another appearance. But this time both the unions and the Government said that people shouldn’t panic buy. Some people really need to learn something about the concept of keeping one’s mouth shut.

And, for some reason, Ed Miliband started moaning that the Bahrain Grand Prix should be called off due to alleged human rights abuses. Last time I checked, taking a car and racing it around a track had absolutely nothing to do with politics or human rights. Shut up, Ed!

Political Oops of the Week

It’s been a long time since we’ve all had a good laugh at the British National party (BNP) and those associated with them. Luckily, the upcoming election for the post of London mayor has given us the opportunity to laugh again.

Carlos Cortiglia, who is obviously of British descent, is the BNP’s candidate and he wants to implement free travel for families at weekends. He claims it will provide more access to London for more people, and it will increase the revenue levels for the city. It will certainly increase revenue in some areas, but how much would the travel sector have to fork out in terms of transport?

This is a valid question and this was put to him by a BBC journalist. They asked exactly how much it would be to implement this plan, and he replied: “I don’t give appreciations in terms of numbers.”

Throw money — Here, have a fire-breathing caterpillar coated in gold on me!

So you don’t like to produce facts, figures, and numbers when it comes to big programs like this, Mr, Cortiglia? Then you’re probably not the best individual to be holding a political office. Essentially, what you are saying is that money is no object and you don’t know and you don’t care how much it costs.

It’s like its 1933 all over again and the Nazis have just come to power. Strangely enough, Nazi Germany was nearly always in complete and utter debt because the ruling party didn’t care much for numbers either. In fact, that’s part of the reason they went to war in 1939 instead of later on because they needed the resources and the money.

Still, political parties tend to follow their direct descendents.

The Painful…

New 10p and 5p coins set to be released in Britain have been coated in nickel in order to save money. The only problem is that medical experts are claiming that around 10% of the population are allergic to nickel.

So like responsible and intelligent people, the Mint decided to ignore all medical advice, all previous experiences with the potential of implementing nickel coins in Sweden, and the possibility of carrying out any health tests at all and surge ahead with their plans.

This is almost beyond belief when we look at the economics of the whole measure. The Mint is predicting that this will save around £10m a year due to the rising cost of copper. However, what we have to remember is that local councils are going to have to change all of their public machines, at an estimated cost of £5.5 million. Furthermore, the cost of recalibration has been estimated at a cost of £100m. And that’s before we start talking about the potential costs to the NHS due to additional cases of skin problems.

So any savings will only be seen in the generations after us, and even then, what if the price of copper falls? Then it’s a complete waste of time and we all would have lost money. It’s so illogical that it’s embarrassing.

…And the Pointless

The internet is under attack again as MPs call for better protections to protect children against porn. Now here’s some pointless news. When will these old fogies realise that you can’t protect children against this sort of thing in the current society we live in. It’s just impossible and it won’t work. Why won’t it work?

For a start, it’s not difficult to get past the arbitrary blocking methods used on the internet. Secondly, most parents are too damn lazy to implement the parental controls necessary to block their children. If the problem is really as bad as everyone is making out then stop attacking the internet and start attacking useless parents.

Furthermore, I can’t grasp how it would protect them against anything like this because the increasing sexualisation of children is due to many factors. And the availability of porn on the internet is a very small one.

Look at the terrible parents who let their children dress like sluts, look at the celebrities which celebrate dressing like a third rate prostitute, and look at the fact that sex and getting rid of one’s virginity is seen as the biggest task of a teenager’s life in this country.

Trust me when I say that the internet doesn’t hold the answers.

The so Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious

This week’s hilarious news comes from the Employment Minister Chris Grayling. It’s actually quite funny when you think about it because it’s so absurd. We all know that business is about making money and making profits. Naturally, you want the best employees to fulfil that role. And if you truly care about your business then you are not going to care about where they are from.

But Chris Grayling thinks that British businesses should hire some local chav to do the work instead. In fact, his words were these:

“It’s easy to hire someone from Eastern Europe with five years’ experience and many employers choose to do so,” he went on to say that: “But those who look closer to home find gems too – turning round the lives of somebody from a poor background, given no real opportunity in life – and end up up with a model employee as a result. So we should give these young people a chance.”

Is he serious?

I could end up with a model employee, but I could also employ the modern employee with a good track record, so why should I waste my time? Are you going to give me or my business an incentive to do this? No, you’re not. What you fail to understand, Mr. Chris Grayling, is that business is a global one. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, or Australian. If you can do the job then I will employ you because I have no incentive to do otherwise.

I’m not going to reward some bloody chav for sitting on a street corner and throwing their own lives away when I can reward an Eastern European worker who has made something of themselves. If they are out of work because they didn’t listen at school, spent most of their time drinking, or decided to hump their way through the greater Metropolitan area then that’s their bed and they can lie in it.

A Positive Outlook for the Week

The positive news is I will be away in Brighton next week, so I get to leave this horrible city. But on the negative side of things, I won’t be writing this column next week as that is in the middle of when I’ll be away.

But for some reason, I don’t know why, I have a good feeling that something really good is going to happen next week. I have a feeling that the potential fuel strike will end well, all the rubbish about the Bahrain Grand Prix will evaporate, and something major and interesting will happen.

So maybe next week won’t be so bleak and irritating after all…

News in Briefs 15/04/12

Are you getting tired of all the dithering at the moment? I certainly am. And we all had a lot of dithering this week as the Government continued to make a massive balls-up of the fuel tanker issues. The UN also managed to continue being as pointless as ever as they are now fighting over whether to send a few people down to Syria to oversee the ceasefire. You would have thought that would have always been part of the deal, right?

Political Oops of the Week

For the Political Oops of the Week, it has to be all about the removal of tax relief on charitable donations. If there’s one thing you never do it’s attack anything to do with charity. It doesn’t matter if these measures are right or wrong because the wider population are generally idiots. They won’t listen to reason. All they will see is ‘Government Attacks Charity!’ and nothing more.

But basically these changes mean that wealthy people who donate to charity to obtain tax relief won’t be able to do it anymore. To target the issue itself, if these wealthy people are so committed to charity then why would they have an issue with these changes? Surely if they are so passionate about giving then they will continue to give anyway?

It’s not as if they don’t have the money to do this. Personally, I believe that many wealthy people who donate to charity are just doing it to avoid tax. And clearly the BBC does too because the article that outlines these changes has a link to the article ‘Most Common Tax Avoidance Schemes’ right next to it.

The Painful…

Sometimes the most painful feeling in the world is the feeling of failure. North Korea’s rocket, which outraged people all around the world, was the embodiment of failure this week as it failed spectacularly.

Originally, North Korea’s rocket was supposed to demonstrate the country’s “mastery over technology”. Well all I have to say is that it certainly didn’t manage to demonstrate any mastery over anything after that humiliation. In short, the rocket launched, it then flew in the air for a few minutes, and then it broke apart and fell into the sea.

Explosion — Over-exaggeration of North Korea's rocket launch.

As for a modern North Korea, which its leadership enjoys attempting to portray, it hasn’t quite made it yet. If the launch had succeeded then it would have made it to the 1950s where the major Cold War participants were launching objects into the atmosphere.

But since it failed it is still stuck in the 1940s because that’s when Nazi Germany was planning to create and to an extent succeeded in creating rockets that could fly higher than a plane and be used as a weapon.

Still, keep trying, you’ll do it one day.

…And the Pointless

The Grand National was run on the 14^th of April 2012. I hope you managed to win some money – I certainly didn’t – but the main point here is that two horses died. One was the favourite Synchronised and the other was According to Pete. Both horses had fractured legs and had to be put down (shot).

But just like we get every year, we had animal rights groups complaining and moaning that the race should be banned. The reason why this story deserves to be put in this position is that we deal with this same trash every year. This year the leaders are the group called Animal Aid.

The Grand National is dangerous, that’s a fact you just can’t get over, however that’s part of the attraction of the Grand National. You could lower the height of the fences and the drops, like they did in 2011, but then what would be the point in even running the race anymore? Most of the millions it brings in every year are there because the race is dangerous.

Are we going to do away with a race that has been run since the 19^th century because a horse or two dies every year? This is nothing but a modern obsession with banning everything that has even the slightest risk associated with it. Fabrice Muamba almost died on the football pitch, and Serie B player Piermario Morosini did die on the football pitch this week, so should we ban football because it has a risk of causing heart defects to flare up? Of course we shouldn’t.

It’s sickening that these people, most of whom only watch racing once a year, have the audacity to say that part of this sport should be banned when they really have no place in it. I’m going to take some inspiration from trainer Paul Nicholls by telling detractors to “Grow up!”

The so Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious

President Obama has been on holiday this week. Instead of going to a traditional holiday hotspot he decided to partake in some relationship building with Latin America. Did this go well? As well it could possibly go considering the circumstances.

The agency that protects President Obama had a red face this week as 11 of its agents were suspended for allegedly breaking the rules and forsaking their duties. What did they do, you ask? Well first of all they broke their curfew, but that doesn’t warrant a suspension. What did, though, was them bringing women back to their hotel rooms.

Is there anything wrong with an agent letting off some steam at night, though? Of course not; it’s a stressful job, but all 11 women were supposedly prostitutes. And therein sits the problem.

Cheating — Symbolic of how eleven wives will react when they get home.

The reason they know that they were most likely prostitutes was because the hotel staff caught an agent and a woman arguing over whether he should pay her or not. Now, in my experience, that’s how you tell if someone has been caught with a prostitute.

A Positive Outlook for the Week

Normally, I would tell you how I’m looking forward to the great sports action next week, but I understand that sport is not everybody’s cup of tea (or coffee). But apart from that I’m struggling with this section because there’s not a whole lot going on at the moment.

I mean, politics is pretty boring at the moment because all that looks to be going on is the London Mayor hype. But that’s where it could be a blessing in disguise because when you look at all the interesting things that happen, they rarely come about on the crest of a wave. They usually charge out of the briny deep like an iceberg; it’s the 100^th anniversary of the Titanic sinking so I had to have something in there.

So maybe next week won’t be so bleak and irritating after all…

News in Briefs 08/04/12

Well last week was obviously a case of much ado about nothing as all the panic and fear has just collapsed into irrelevance. I can guarantee that all of those people who looked around for hours for fuel are now feeling like absolute fools. But, still, there’s nothing you can do when total idiots and panic come together, is there? Anyway, on to this week’s news!

Political Oops of the Week

Continue reading News in Briefs 08/04/12