I find it disrespectful to the colour spectrum to even call it a colour 🙂

I completely agree. I am still on MEDs, and they are working for me, they keep the worst at bay but still allow me to feel SOMETHING. What I was worried about with lithium was was the zombie state you describe – putting myself in a position where I felt nothing at all rather than deal with the bad along with the good. It’s easy when you’re in the worst stages of depression to lose sight of the bigger picture, and go on the MEDs, thinking anything is better than continuing to feel the way you do in that moment. You can’t imagine surviving it. But you do, and you come out the other end still ‘you’. I think that’s far more important.

That said – it’s easy for me to say that right now. If you’d asked me a couple of years ago I’d have been begging for lithium.