News in Briefs 04/03/12

One word has dominated the news this week: “Homs” And quite frankly I’m getting tired of it now because nothing different happens from day to day, all they report on is a few more deaths. And then we had to listen to lots of people attempting to analyse something which doesn’t really need to be analysed. But, on the plus side, at least the meaningless talks surrounding the NHS managed to die down for a week; it gives us time to prepare for another week of Jeremy Kyle-style points scoring.

Political Oops of the Week

In hindsight, this was something which really shouldn’t have carried as a story, but at least it provided some needed relief from the cycle of “You are ruining the economy!”, “No, you ruined the economy first.”, and “You are trying to bring Thatcherism back!” crap we are forced to sit through on the Miliband and Cameron show.

This week we were introduced to the media-dubbed “Horsegate” which involved the PM and Rebecca Brooks’ borrowed police horse, and whether he rode it or not.

Horsegate

On Wednesday we started with the PM attempting to laugh off the affair, but still implying that he hadn’t rode the horse by saying that: “the only horses I am interested in are the ones you can put a bet on.” That should have been the end of it, right? Wrong!

On Thursday Mr. Cameron was asked again, but this time he claimed that it was “a matter of record” that he had been riding with Charlie Brooks (Rebecca’s husband) before, but he hadn’t rode with him after the election. Ok, so now we have gone to a denial to begrudgingly agreeing that he has ridden a horse with the husband of the owner of the horse. So that’s a little suspicious, but it wasn’t over yet.

In a surprising twist, it was Jeremy Clarkson who then felt he wasn’t getting enough attention, so he chimed in. He then went on to say that he lives there and he could confirm that the PM hadn’t ridden the horse; along with a Tory source which said that it didn’t know.

And finally, the PM admitted that he had ridden the horse repeatedly. But like any good politician, he went on to provide a eulogy to the now-deceased horse. Create some sympathy, David? Good job, you really are a great politician.

It was like watching a dog attempting to chase its tail all week. Oh, David!

The Painful…

Later this week we all got to watch the vile scenes as militants in Libya were seen on a YouTube video destroying a British war cemetery just outside Benghazi where the heroes of Churchill’s famous desert rats were buried. This was partially painful because Britain had helped, both now and in the Second World War, to free the country from oppression, and that’s the thanks it gets.

But what was painful for many people was the fact that only one day previously David Starkey had attracted a lot of controversy on Question Time when he claimed that: “People don’t like to be freed” [when asked about whether Britain should liberate Syria]. The media and people all across the nation slaughtered him for such “disgusting” remarks, but he’s clearly right as one day later the videos emerge of recently-liberated Libyans destroying a British war cemetery.

He demonstrated through his historical knowledge that the French people were ashamed after they were liberated in the Second World War, and the media just proved how right he was about the Libyan people who, evidently, felt the same way too. David Starkey really should be in politics, but it’s just a shame how someone who’s so right is slammed because he doesn’t conform to the politically correct style of the day.

And the Pointless…

Zynga is breaking away from Facebook! Oh no! Wait, you don’t know who Zynga are? Well Zynga are the American games company which created such “fantastic” and “revolutionary” hits as Farmville and Cityville.

But they are now tired of living in the shadow of Facebook so they are planning to move away from the social networking giant. So, assuming the move goes well, those who want to play their favourite games will now be able to play them away from Facebook. But I just have one query. Who cares?

This is so irrelevant and meaningless that it’s really only relevant to those directly involved in the corporate side of Zynga and Facebook because even if the move goes ahead successfully users will still be able to play the same games through Facebook. So how exactly is this news at all? The answer is that it’s not because nothing is changing for anyone but those behind the scenes, and generally when something only applies behind the scenes of something you don’t find it necessary to report it to the world.

Hey, in the place I work we are deciding to paint the backroom soon, but don’t worry because I contacted the BBC with this important information.

The so Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious

Great news! Now you get to pay even more for your petrol as petrol prices hit a record high this week, again.

Currently, petrol prices after the rise now stand at 137.44p per litre and diesel has now ascended to the dizzying heights of 144.60p a litre. But the kicker is that oil prices have actually fallen from their record high. So why have petrol prices gone up and why are experts still predicting that prices are still going to keep rising regardless?

The answer is that they are going to try and squeeze as much out of us as possible because when was the last time anyone ever saw petrol prices go down for any reason? This writer certainly can’t answer that. But this is only going to spell bad news for the economy as people are naturally going to cut spending on petrol or cut spending in shops because people just don’t have the money to pay for it anymore.

Petrol
Ah, this is a familiar position.

 

At this point, the fact that petrol prices just keep going up has stopped being annoying and outrageous and its now just kind of funny because we all know that this is going to come to a bitter end one day. Either electric cars will arrive and the fuel companies will go out of business or people will be protesting, rioting, and the market for stealing fuel will boom just like copper theft did.

And I don’t think many of us will fear that day.

A Positive Outlook for the Week Ahead

With the Syrian army crushing the city of Homs we will be able to see some sort of development in the conflict in Syria, so that’s something to look forward to because we would all like to think that most people want to see some sort of end to the fighting. The conflict will certainly be entering its next destructive phase now.

The subject of gay marriages is appearing again in the news, both in the US and in the UK, and it looks like it’s a victory for common sense and a defeat for bigotry and intolerance as politicians are now starting to challenge the established religions on the subject of marriage. In the past few weeks we have seen a few US states legalise gay marriage, too, and the UK looks like it’s fully on its way to a brighter tomorrow too.

In the US, we will be one step closer to setting the scene for the November elections to determine who will take the most powerful post in the world. With next week’s ‘Super Tuesday’ we should see a comprehensive victory for religious nutcase Rick Santorum or a comprehensive victory for tax-dodgy Mitt Romney. Either way, I’m not predicting anything other than an Obama win this November.

So maybe next week won’t be as bleak and irritating after all…

 

 

 

 

News in Briefs 26/02/12

It hasn’t been a good week for interesting news as all we have been stuck with is more news on Syria and yet more fights over the NHS. But while the main stories of the week have been as plain and boring as Ed Miliband making a political speech, if we dig below the surface then we can find some hilarious and interesting stories.

Political Oops of the Week

This is a bit of a premature time to be doing specials, but this week we have two stories which share this title.

The first story is about Labour MP Eric Joyce who was arrested and charged with common assault this week for flying off the handle in a House of Commons bar. Reportedly, the MP for Falkirk started shouting and insulting the Tories, dumping drinks over members, dancing terribly, and then directing his head into the face of Tory Pudsey MP Stuart Andrew (twice).

This is not only extremely embarrassing for the Labour Party, but it’s extremely embarrassing for British politics because how can these drunken idiots lecture and patronise the common folk of the country when they are flying off the handle? Essentially, it’s the equivalent of a bar fight on a Saturday night, but in an upper class manner. However, don’t expect any jail time for this MP, they play by different rules, remember?

Eric Joyce

But the Coalition Government fared no better either as our second story emerged on a BBC video of Nick Clegg having a humiliating slip of the tongue. Is this a window into his darker thoughts or just an accident? The rumour mill is out in full force!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-17113209 (skip to the 20-30 second mark for the slip)

The Painful…

Whilst there are tonnes of painful moments from around the world, we will try and keep it relatively civil. And no, we won’t be providing any pictures or videos of their injuries you sick people!

This week the story involves a Harrogate teacher who set himself on fire in the school car park because he felt under pressure to obtain good exam results from his students. If this is not a message that teachers are under too much stress then what is?

In Case of Fire

As someone who was reportedly suffering from depression, and constantly on edge about coursework and exam results, Mr. David Charlesworth set himself on fire in the car park of the school and died of burns that destroyed 79% of his entire body.

Surely this has to bring up a point about the stress teachers are put under? Teachers are forced to make their students obtain high grades, but have they ever thought that the reason some students don’t obtain good grades is just because they are absolute morons who have no interest in education? You can’t teach what doesn’t want to learn.

…And the Pointless

The 26th of February 2012 marks the day where Rupert Murdoch releases his latest creation to the British public, the Sun on Sunday. Ok, so the Sun is now joining the Sunday News battle, but I just have one question for Rupert Murdoch, the British public, and the British media. Who cares?

Who Cares?

The Sun on Sunday has been spoken about as if it’s a new and revolutionary invention which has never been seen before. The newspaper is the same rubbish which is printed every other day of the week, but with a special Sunday title. Ooooooooo…

Looking at the amount of coverage this unveiling has received, it really does make you realise how dry the news has been this week because it’s so irrelevant. Ask your friends, your family, and the creepy guy at the bus stop this question: “Do you care about the new Sun on Sunday?” I guarantee that 90% of these people will reply with one of two lines: “The what?” or “No.”

The so Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious

Some stories just make you want to strangle the people involved. But 14-year-old British teenager Sammy Booth crossed these boundaries when she recently wrote a letter to a judge in order to save her drink-driving mother from jail. In the letter she wrote such lines as “My mum is a very good mum.” and “I’m scared for my mum and I’m scared for myself”

In normal circumstances this would be a heart-wrenching story, but her mother, Julia Cairns, was involved in a high-speed car chase with police after refusing to pull over. I’m sorry, but why should someone be spared from jail after endangering the lives of hundreds of people just because she has a kid? And more importantly, why should she get away from the normal punishment when the daughter is clearly telling lies in her letter?

I would lock her away and throw away the key because why should it be one rule for some and one rule for others? I mean, seriously, she’s not even an MP! This is not a criticism of the child because she’s too young to fully understand the law, but the mother is scum. And what’s more, the ones who were taking care of this case should be absolutely ashamed of themselves.

Maybe I should make sweet, sticky love with my neighbour’s dog, take a dump on their bed, and kill their kid only to write a heart-wrenching letter to the judge after I’m hauled before the courts? Using this logic I should get off with about 70 hours of community service and a police caution. British justice: exactly where is the justice here?

Drunk Woman
No, really, my mum is a good mum.

 

A Positive Outlook for the Week Ahead

As for the week ahead, there are some positive things to look forward to. If we take a look at sport we will see that the Carling Cup Final between Cardiff City and Liverpool is today, which means that tomorrow we will either have back-page headlines of an underdog overcoming one of the giants of football or the story of the resurgence of Liverpool under a legend of both the club and English football.

The NHS debate has been raging for weeks now, and we have made absolutely no progress this week. Call it a hunch, but I believe that we will either see some progress or the NHS debate will fade away for a while this week. Some new and exciting news will hopefully replace it.

A few newspapers have also reported that the Leveson Inquiry into press standards will release its results this week. This is good news for two reasons: first of all, we will get to see some results from this long and drawn out process and, secondly, we will see the end of this inquiry which has dominated the press for months now.

So maybe next week won’t be as bleak and irritating after all…