Columns – Page 5 – The Daily Opinion

News in Briefs 17/06/12

Well this week was a week for keeping fear alive. I haven’t seen this much scaremongering since 9/11, and even that wasn’t talking about the global meltdown of the capitalist world. But it’s not a very good campaign of fear as I don’t really feel scared. I sort of feel like ‘meh’. And even in the face of all of these carefully constructed arguments for why we are on the precipice of destruction, I still find that I’m not that scared.

Political Oops of the Week

This week it has to be that old bitch Theresa May who has now unveiled plans for web monitoring. To put it simply, she wasn’t content with making the police force want to hang her from the Tower of London so she now decided to annoy every taxpayer. The plans will involve internet companies holding onto all email messages, web histories, and basically everything else that goes on on the internet for up to one year. In other words, she is part of the move for the state to take over the freedom of the internet.

The only defence she has given for this is that it will help stop crime. What a load of putrid donkey vomit! Those who carry out crime on the internet will easily find a way around it, and even those who are not dealing in crime will still find a way around it. Take a look at the ban they put on The Pirate Bay in the UK. I was around that ban within five minutes and I can still access that site now. All it will do is damage the privacy of the novice computer user. And in all honesty this obsession with crime is going too far as now we are sacrificing all privacy and all freedom in the name of the law. It’s just not worth it.

With any luck there will be such overwheming opposition when the bill eventually goes to parliament that it will be rejected like America’s latest SOPA act. Oh, and did I mention that these plans will cost the taxpayer £1.8 billion to implement?

The Painful…

There was a show called The Men Who Made Us Fat on BBC2 this week, and my god it just showed how deluded the large majority of people really are. Now, I’m not saying that you should start by going off to watch it and then you should come back and tell me what you think; there would be too much blank space on this blog whilst I wait. Just look at the title. It’s already blaming others for the fact that people are so fat these days. If everybody was fat then that would be perfectly acceptable and it would be somebody else’s fault, but it’s not.

The fact is that lots of people managed to stay fit and healthy, so why not everybody else? We really have to start taking some responsibility for ourselves as we have blamed others for too long. A few years ago we blamed McDonalds for making our kids fat. No, it’s your fault your kids got fat because the only way they can get that food is if you got it for them. “Oh but what if my kids got it on the way home from school?” Well they obviously got the money from you in the first place. If your kids are fat then it’s your fault because you’re a bad parent. End of discussion.

It really is painful to still see the media and so many others blaming the people who make the food. Haven’t they heard of supply and demand? If there’s a demand then they’ll keep making it, and that’s what they are doing. You don’t have to buy it.

…And the Pointless

This week Tony Blair came back into the news whilst he was in Hong Kong giving a lecture on faith and globalisation at the Hong Kong University. He made the news because Tom Grundy, a 29-year-old Briton living in the country, attempted a citizen’s arrest on the former PM. Of course, he only really managed to heckle him as his men and a crowd of photographers kept him a few meters away from the stage, but he said the move was symbolic.

Regardless of how you feel about the Iraq War, you can’t help but think that it was a completely pointless and half-arsed attempt at doing something. People won’t remember this move a few weeks from now at all. In fact, he (Blair) probably couldn’t care less either. People need to start letting these things go because no government has declared him a war criminal and he’s not a wanted man. If he’s not a wanted man then that’s the end of it. It might not be a popular decision, but that’s how it is no matter what anyone else thinks.

Although he did bring up a point about how his faith is meaningless since he angered the whole Muslim world. If he’s a Christian, which he is, then if he angered the entire Muslim world then surely history tells us that he should be made a saint?

The So Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious

It has to be Euro 2012 and the fact that UEFA still think that holding the tournament in Ukraine and Poland was a good idea. Ok, I admit that the problems have mainly emanated from Poland, but neither country is free from blame. Let’s list just some of the problems that we have seen so far.

Before the tournament began the Dutch team were racially abused during their training session in front of 20,000 people.

Mario Balotelli racially abused in both of Spain’s games, as well as having a banana thrown onto the pitch.

Russian supporters attacked stewards and sent a few to hospital after their win against the Czech Republic in their first game.

Russian and Polish supporters fought running battles through Warsaw during Russia’s national day, as well as a flag that said: “This is Russia” somehow making it into the ground during the game.

Multiple flares thrown onto the pitch during Croatia’s game against Italy, which actually stopped the game for a few minutes.

And this is just the group stage of Euro 2012. We haven’t even made it to the end of that yet and only four teams have been officially eliminated so far. Surely this tells you that Eastern Europe isn’t yet fit to be hosting a major tournament. This is not racism on my part either, all of these incidents have been caused by supporters from Eastern Europe. It makes you wonder why so many Western supporters have refused to attend the tournament doesn’t it?

Anyway maybe next week won’t be so bleak and irritating after all…

FURY MMA 5 LONDON JUNE 10th

FURY MMA – 10th June 2012

FURY MMA was held on Sunday June 10th at The Coronet Theatre at The Elephant & Castle, London. The capital city could not have been a better place to host this night of action-packed fights including two battles for the FURY MMA Lightweight Belt and The FURY MMA Heavyweight Belt. Heavyweight stuff? Damn right. Promoters Steve and Dan had obviously put a lot of thought into this fight card which showed as the night of great action unfolded.

Thanks to Sponsors Uncaged and Cage Hire UK, without the sponsors these events would be few and far between.
Cage Girls Carmela, Jazz and Jessica added the glamour for the evening but were not just pretty faces and were a credit to LSA. Thanks to Judges Huseyin Garabet and Sam Amidi, Ring announcer Jim Greenan and Officials Dan Movahedi and last but certainly not least Garth Harriman. On the scene was London Ambulance Service who attended to any injured fighters.

The Dan and Stephen Interview with Fury Co-Owners Dan and Stephen

FURY MMA INTERVIEW

C.A.U.K. would like to thank our friend Adam Parrot of Katana Clothing for helping us out by letting us use his review. Big up the Adam check out our favourite T shirts at www.katana-clothing.com

Heavyweight Title Fight

Paul Saunders vs. Tomasz Czerwinski
Neither fighter was in the mood for the feeling-out-process, engaging in a frantic brawl right from the off. Czerwinski backed Saunders up against the fence, but Saunders was able to reverse the position. From the clinch Czerwinski fired off a series of knees to his opponent’s abdomen and escaped off the cage, before uncorking a thunderous straight-right that had Saunders staggered and on the back foot. A few more shots from the Polish giant were all that was needed to separate the Brit from his senses and leave him crumpled on the mat.
Tomasz Czerwinski defeats Paul Saunders by KO – Rnd 1 1:09 – to become the Fury MMA heavyweight champion.

To watch the fight follow the link below

Cageamateursuk.com

Co Main Event

Vitor Silva vs. Nigel Whitear
Despite a tentative start from both fighters, this lightweight title clash between Silva and Whitear was a gruelling back and forth battle with plenty of excitement. Whitear came close with a looping overhand-right late in the first, then slipped the jab and followed up with a series of leg kicks. Silva managed to catch one kick and drove his opponent to the floor, where he unleashed a barrage of vicious shots. Whitear looked to secure an arm bar just as the first round came to a close.
A spinning back fist from Silva got the second round off to a flying start. Whitear responded with a leg kick, which Silva was able to catch and slam his opponent to the mat and fire off several quick shots before Whitear was able to scramble back to his feet. This time it was Whitear’s turn to catch his opponent’s kick and he managed to connect with a straight-right to the chin that had the Brazilian reeling back against the cage. Silva shot in for the takedown, but Whitear managed to wind up in top position, where he went to work with a brutal display of ground and pound that soon had Silva bloodied up. Despite visibly looking rocked, Silva was able to latch onto his opponent’s leg and ride out the remainder of the round.
Whitear opened the third stanza by landing a crisp 1-2 combo, Silva looked for the takedown, but Whitear just shrugged him off. Using his jab to pepper the face of his opponent, Whitear seemed to step up a gear and began to take the fight to Silva. A spinning back fist from Whitear was partially blocked by Silva, who then shot in for the takedown. Whitear was able to out-power the tired Brazilian and worked his way into top-position just as the buzzer signalled the end of the fight.
Nigel Whitear defeats Vitor Silva via unanimous decision and is crowned the new Fury MMA lightweight champion.

Mak Mwanza vs. Gary Duffy
Duffy landed a leg kick early on, but Mwanza clinched and backed his opponent up against the fence. A slam from Duffy took the action to the ground and despite landing in his opponent’s guard, Mwanza was able to escape off the bottom and look for a darce choke. Duffy did a good job of scrambling back to his feet, but found himself locked in a standing guillotine just as the first round drew out.
Both fighters came out swinging in the second round. Duffy was able to trip his opponent to the mat, but Mwanza managed to roll free and take Duffy’s back and lock in a rear-naked choke. Duffy worked valiantly to roll over as he tried desperately to work himself free by kicking off the side of the cage, but with no options left he had no choice but to tap.
Mak Mwanza defeats Gary Duffy by tap out due to a rear-naked choke – Rnd 2 0:29
Paula Donnelly vs. Khadija Nathaniel
In the solo female MMA bout of the evening, Donnelly and Nathaniel set pulses racing with a relentless back and forth battle that took place over every square inch of the cage. As the fighters touched gloves, Nathaniel wasted no time in launching her assault and trading punches with Donnelly. From the clinch, Donnelly was able to back her opponent up against the fence, where Nathaniel found herself having a point deducted for repeatedly grabbing the cage. Nathaniel was able to finish the round strong by taking her opponent to the ground, where she worked her way into full mount, but just as time ran out in the first.
Again, Nathaniel came out all guns blazing and throwing an overhand-right. Donnelly was able to press her opponent back against the cage where, after repeated warning, she was docked a second point for continuously grabbing hold of the fence. As the action resumed, Donnelly took her opponent down and quickly transitioned into the crucifix position and began raining down blows to her opponent’s head. Nathaniel managed to power out and work her way back to the feet as the second round came to a close.
In the third and final round, neither fighter eased off the pace. Nathaniel came out with her trademark overhand-right, but Donnelly was able to tie her up and wrestle Nathaniel back against the cage. From the clinch, Nathaniel fired off a few quick knees to the body and Donnelly responded by taking the fight to the ground. Nathaniel was able to latch onto her opponent’s neck and looked to work for a guillotine choke, but Donnelly successfully worked her way into full mount and unleashed with some heavy hammer-fists. Nathaniel was able to wriggle free and scramble back to her feet. Both fighters finished the round, swinging furiously until the final buzzer.
Paula Donnelly defeats Khadija Nathaniel by unanimous decision

Nathan Shark vs. Jason Black
Shark came out quick with a leg kick, but Black checked the kick and shot in for a takedown. Fighting off of his back, Shark locked in an arm-in guillotine, but Black was able to wriggle free, and as he did, Shark latched onto his opponent’s arm and secured the arm bar for a quick submission finish.
Nathan Shark defeats Jason Black by arm bar submission – Rnd 1 0:52

Roger Griffin vs. Jarvis Gray
Gray come flying out of the gate with a left hook that just whizzed past Griffin’s temple. Griffin attempted a single leg take down, but Gray was able to keep his balance. Gray scored a takedown attempt of his own and quickly transitioned into full mount with his opponent pinned against the fence. Griffin does well to scramble free and get back to his feet, but again the fight spills to the floor with Griffin now in full-mount. Gray escapes from off the bottom and as he tries to scramble back to his feet Griffin is able to take his back and sink in a rear-naked choke for the submission finish.
Roger Griffin defeats Jarvis Gray by rear-naked choke submission – Rnd 1 1:47

Bill Beaumont vs. George Chase
Chase took the centre of the cage, but Beaumont landed first with a crisp 1-2 combination. After a brief exchange of leg kicks, Beaumont pushed the fight against the cage and begun to pour it on with shots to the body and head. Chase looked to be visibly stunned and a cut had opened up on his face. Chase pulled guard and attempted a guillotine choke, but Beaumont was able to work his way into half-guard and set about to attacking the ribs and the head of his opponent. The referee called for a break in the action for a doctor to inspect the cut on Chase’s brow, and after a brief discussion with the referee the fight is stopped.
Bill Beaumont defeats George Chase via doctor stoppage due to a cut – Rnd 1 2:47

Jamie Ings vs. Stephen Black
Black immediately backed Ings up against the cage and shoots for the takedown. Ings was able to reverse the position and wind up in top-position before transitioning to full mount, where he opened up with a brutal display of ground and pound, landing with precision perfect shots and forcing the referee to step in and save Black from any further damage.
Jamie Ings defeats Stephen Black by referee stoppage due to ground and pound – Rnd 1 1:07

George Grainger vs. Lewis Butterworth
Grainger got the action underway with a low kick, before tripping Butterworth to the canvas, where he was able to move into side control and sink in an arm-triangle. Butterworth fought desperately to twist out, but was eventually forced to tap.
George Grainger defeats Lewis Butterworth by arm-triangle submission – Rnd 1 0:30
Full Card Results
• Tomasz Czerwinski defeats Paul Saunders by KO – Rnd 1 1:09 – to become the Fury MMA heavyweight champion.
• Nigel Whitear defeats Vitor Silva via unanimous decision and is crowned the new Fury MMA lightweight champion.
• Mak Mwanza defeats Gary Duffy by tap out due to a rear-naked choke – Rnd 2 0:29
• Paula Donnelly defeats Khadija Nathaniel by unanimous decision
• Nathan Shark defeats Jason Black by arm bar submission – Rnd 1 0:52
• Roger Griffin defeats Jarvis Gray by rear-naked choke submission – Rnd 1 1:47
• Bill Beaumont defeats George Chase via doctor stoppage due to a cut – Rnd 1 2:47
• Jamie Ings defeats Stephen Black by referee stoppage due to ground and pound – Rnd 1 1:07
• George Grainger defeats Lewis Butterworth by arm-triangle submission – Rnd 1 0:30

In the boxing section of the card
• Jerome Daley defeated Roger Griffin by TKO – Rnd 1 1:57
• Luke Robinson defeated David Zotolofski by unanimous decision
• Luke Robinson defeated Cliff Meeks by TKO – Rnd 1 0:32
• Ryan Edinburgh defeated Tommy Scully by verbal retirement – Rnd 2 1:59
The evening was a great success and we now had two new FURY champions. All the staff at FURY and everyone involved made it a night not too miss.
To hire the cage girls call Leo Alderman on 07989394709
To fight on the show call Dan or Steve via FURY MMA or contact them via face book.
There are plenty more events coming up so keep in touc on the FURY MMA web site

Fury MMA
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For tickets for next show go to Fury MMA website above.
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News in Briefs 10/06/12

One story has dominated the news this week: Syria. So that means we had to dig under the media hype to find some other story to find some good content this week. The only thing I’m thankful for is that the Leveson Inquiry stayed away. Seriously, when does that damn thing end?

Political Oops of the Week

There’s only one winner this week. It has to be Syria. Ok so we’ve now had another Syrian massacre. Unsurprisingly, the government blamed armed terrorists for the plot, when really they should have been referring to themselves. However, this is not about the fact that we’ve seen another massacre, it’s everybody else’s attitude to it.

The UN once again demonstrated how inept it is by refusing to actually do anything more than monitor the situation and send the Syrian government angry letters. The only reason that they are not doing anything is because China and Russia don’t want to lose one of their major allies in the region. So why don’t they just do it anyway? Since when has the US cared about things like international law or doing what somebody else tells it to do? If the US decides to go into Syria then Europe will follow. What do they think is going to happen? Russia and China won’t start a war with the West over this. All they will do is send some angry letters.

Yes, China and Russia have massive armies but they’re inferior to the armies of the West. They know that and so does the West, and that’s why they won’t go to war over this. If they truly care about the Syrian massacre or anything else then they will grow some testicles and get in there. You can’t just join in as and when you feel like it, in the same way as they did in Libya. The UN really is like the old League of Nations organisation.

And before some smart-arse tries to tell me that this is a different Syrian massacre, I know.

The Painful…

For some painful news it has to be the racism storm circling the Euros. According to Dutch captain Van Bommel and a number of other players, there were monkey chants coming from the stands as they trained in front of a crowd of over 20,000 in Krakow. The painful thing is that some people in those countries were obviously dropped on their heads at birth. I’m especially surprised at Poland as you would think that after the Holocaust they would have had enough of racist views in society.

To make things even worse UEFA initially denied that there was a racism storm at all. They actually denied that any racism had occurred and that it must be the supporters voicing their displeasure at the fact that Krakow didn’t get any major Euro 2012 games. Now, although I can understand why such a major city would be upset, I don’t recall monkey chanting acting as a form of protest. But UEFA just made things worse when later on they admitted that it did happen and they were going to look further into it. So in other words nothing is going to happen at all.

…And the Pointless

Did you watch the Diamond Jubilee celebrations on the River Thames on Sunday? I did and I have to say what a massive disappointment it really was. I would have thought that the BBC would have tried to capture the essence of the event and explain actually what some of the boats were. Instead we got a load of airhead reporters talking to lots of irrelevant people watching it. It’s ok to talk to a few of them but why all the time? There’s nothing that they could possibly say that particularly adds to the coverage, and we were proved right.

“How do you feel, random bystander?”
“I’m so happy to be here, I camped out all night…blah…blah…blah.”
“Great, that means a whole lot to the people at home.”

Yes, we get it, some people are obsessive.

The reporters obviously had no idea what they were doing. They knew nothing about the boats or the history of them. In fact, the smartest person who appeared was an expert on London, and he only appeared for a few minutes. Either most people are now at the pinnacle of human stupidity as to warrant such dribble or the BBC thinks that people are now at the pinnacle of human stupidity. I’m not sure which one is right, however I do hope for the sake of the country that it’s the latter.

Queen Elizabeth — That about sums it up.

Although the Diamond Jubilee pageant did fizzle out about half way through as the Queen clearly became bored, it would have been better if we actually had some entertaining coverage. What shocks me is that all the people involved were praised by the company for their hard work and world class reporting.

The So Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious

Have you heard about the Golden Dawn (Greek Nazi party) member who punched a communist politician on live TV this week? Well if you haven’t then to sum it all up the female communist politicians brought up the fact that he was accused of an armed bank robbery in 2007. At this he flipped, threw a glass of water over one of the women, and then gave the old one-two to the other one. I know that street thugs tend to always be street thugs but this is ridiculous.

Nazi flag — I joined Golden Dawn and all I got was this retarded swastika.

If you are a politician you have to learn to ride things out like that. Of course the women were trying to rile him by bringing that up, but that’s what politics is all about. The opposition will always try to rattle you. If you are so immature as to not be able to cope then you should go back to playschool as you are clearly not cut out for that sort of industry.

More importantly, why didn’t he simply say that he wasn’t convicted and that’s the end of the matter? He might have incredibly narrow-minded views but he’s not a convicted criminal, or at least he wasn’t until now.

Sort it out, meathead!

Anyway you never know, maybe next week won’t be so bleak and irritating after all…

UFC Update

The big night of Heavyweights was a great card, but we did not get a new champ as predicted.
Mir just could not handle the pace of Junior and lost in the second round, as many of my friends predicted he would.

Cain destroyed the Big Foot Silva and showed his winning ways are here again and he will now face Junior later this year for the title. As you can see by the photo, Cain messed this guy up big time.

Wins for Roy Nelson and our very own Dan Hardy leaves the question where do these guys go next?

Roy Nelson

RESULTS

Main Card
Weight Class Method Round Time Notes
Heavyweight Junior dos Santos (c) defeated Frank Mir TKO (punches) 2 3:04 Note 1
Heavyweight Cain Velasquez defeated Antonio Silva TKO (punches) 1 3:36
Heavyweight Roy Nelson defeated Dave Herman KO (punch) 1 0:51
Heavyweight Stipe Miočić defeated Shane del Rosario TKO (elbows) 2 3:14
Heavyweight Stefan Struve defeated Lavar Johnson Submission (armbar) 1 1:05
Preliminary Card on FX
Featherweight Darren Elkins defeated Diego Brandao Decision (unanimous) (29–28, 29–28, 29–28) 3 5:00
Lightweight Jamie Varner defeated Edson Barboza TKO (punches) 1 3:23 Note 2
Middleweight C.B. Dollaway defeated Jason Miller Decision (unanimous) (29–28, 30–26, 29–28) 3 5:00
Welterweight Dan Hardy defeated Duane Ludwig KO (punch and elbows) 1 3:51 Note 3
Preliminary Card on Facebook
Lightweight Paul Sass defeated Jacob Volkmann Submission (triangle armbar) 1 1:54 Note 6
Light Heavyweight Glover Teixeira defeated Kyle Kingsbury Submission (arm-triangle choke) 1 1:53 Note 5
Featherweight Mike Brown defeated Daniel Pineda Decision (unanimous) (29–28, 29–28, 29–28) 3 5:00

Now we await the rematch of the decade Anderson (The Spider) Silva and Chael Sonnen. Far too much trash talk has been involved with this fight and Sonnen only just beat Brit hero the count to get the match. Check out Motor Mouth’s interview.

Chael is a tough guy and a great talker but we must remember he battered Silva for four rounds and lost by submission.

I will give the full card soon.
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News in Briefs 21/05/12

At the time of writing, Chelsea have just won the European Championship for the first time in their history and their ultimate goal of buying every major club trophy has come to fruition. Obviously, its sport that’s dominated the latter end of the week, but Greece decided to pop up yet again and ruin everybody’s economic recovery.

Political Oops of the Week

My political oops of the week may actually be a tad controversial as I’m choosing the G8 commitment to keeping Greece in the Euro and promoting growth. Let’s look at what they are trying to do. They have a country on its knees without a stable government and they want to pump more and more money into it in order to promote growth and help it recover.

Now, this is just looking at the problem on paper. On paper the solution works and everything should be fine and dandy, however it doesn’t work like this. We live in a world of capitalism, and capitalism can only grow if private investors invest in that country. What moron is going to invest in Greece? Nobody will trust that country at all as it has no growth prospects and nobody is attempting to take the first move.

Pump — Keep pumping, maybe one day it'll work.

Politicians can spill their silly words as much as they like, but no investor with any ounce of success will buy into it. Eventually, this is going to collapse like a pack of cards. There can be no recovery without a reset button. It would be best to let them collapse and then use the money we would have used pumping cash into a pointless cause to save Europe and limit the collapse. But they won’t do that. Within a few years we are going to be on our knees with the rest of Europe, and there will be a lot of violence.

The Painful…

Will Smith was in the news this week as his Men in Black 3 premier in Russia turned violent when a reporter attempted to kiss him on the lips. He didn’t take too kind of this so a swift backhanded slap ended the reporter’s crusade to kiss a black, American film star. But the shocking thing was that Will Smith actually apologised in his next interview, which is kind of strange since he was the victim here. If a random guy tries to kiss you on the lips then you punch him in the face immediately.

TMZ.com reported that this wasn’t an incident which is out of the ordinary for the Ukrainian reporter in question, though, as he apparently makes his name by attempting to kiss unsuspecting celebrities.

…And the Pointless

Do you remember those times where we see someone from reality TV, especially Big Brother, and you are internally screaming “Please, for the love of humanity, please just die.”? I do, in fact that’s why I stopped watching that sort of stuff as it makes me go a little crazy, but the medication does help. Jade Goody was famous for passing on when she was under 30, and it surely wasn’t going to be the last victim of an early death if we look at the lifestyles some of these celebrities lead today.

It happened again quite recently actually as a Big Brother star from series 10 died. Sophia Brown, a Lupus sufferer (for those who don’t know, it’s an ulcerative skin disease), has reportedly passed away at the age of 30 (yes, another one who couldn’t make it over 30). As of this writing, the cause of death was unknown. However, the way I see it is that it’s just removing a small skid mark from the underwear of the world, and yet it’s received massive coverage over multiple news websites. It’s quite amazing how someone so irrelevant can gain more coverage than a heroic individual saving someone from a burning building, for example.

The so Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious

Some things are just not supposed to appear in a meal. These things are known as meal breakers. Lately, a hash brown from McDonalds had a deep friend giant insect baked into it, but 14-year-old Ryan Hart had a meal breaker of his own as he found part of a human finger in his meal. The Arby’s restaurant in Michigan admitted that the finger had most likely come from a worker who had injured themselves and then left the area. Although, it does confuse me exactly how no worker noticed that somebody had just chopped their finger off in the first place. Still, if they did then we wouldn’t be able to see one of these meal breakers in action.

McDonalds grill — How in the blue hell did nobody notice that?

A Positive Outlook for the Week

I’ll be honest, this is going to be a terrible week for me. Firstly, people are still going to be worrying about the Eurozone, and then handling it badly. But at the same time I’m going to have to watch a load of utter tosh about the Olympic Relay. Yes, we get it, the torch is going around a large part of the country. It doesn’t need a news bulletin every few hours, seriously. Oh and the Jubilee again. 60 years of sitting on one’s behind, waving, and pretending to care about poor people through a charity doesn’t warrant millions and millions of pounds for a celebration.

So next week will be as bleak and irritating after all…

News in Briefs 13/05/12

When we do the ‘political oops of the week’ it’s normally a metaphorical oops, but this week it’s a literal one. We also have painful mixed with stupidity, as well as lots of other news. It’s actually quite a good week for this column because we had to cut stuff which would have made it last week, the week before that, etc.

Political Oops of the Week

As promised, this week’s oops is literal. Have you ever been watching the television only to find out you just won an election to become the mayor of the town? No? Me neither, but one Italian man did just that. Isn’t it strange how it always seems to be a town in the middle of rural Italy that comes up with these stories?

50-year-old Fabio Borsatti rose to fame in the mountain town of Cimolais as he became the mayor of the town. The truth is he actually just stood as a candidate as a favour to a friend who was the reigning mayor of the town. The reason for this is that he thought that it would seem a little sketchy if he was the only candidate, and therefore winning by default.

But run he did, and through all the odds he overcame everything and found out about it when somebody rang him up to congratulate him whilst he was watching the football. Mayor Borsatti even admitted that he didn’t even want to become mayor, however he was stuck with it.

You can’t really begin to understand how unlikely this occurrence was until you find out that his own family voted against him.

Good luck running a town like Cimolais when you didn’t even have any policies to start with, Mayor Borsatti!

The Painful…

Some people are just destined to be morons. This latest moron is British woman Jane Beirne, 57, who just had major surgery to reattach her heel after she slipped off a jetty that had no handrails in Israel. She hit a piece of metal and it left her heel hanging off of her foot. Naturally, she had no travel insurance so she had to pay around £10,000 to have it reattached.

She is now attempting to sue the mayor of Ma-alot Tarshikha in Israel because of her injury. If you can’t already see the flaw in her plan then let me enlighten you.

First of all, she is trying to sue the town on the basis that there were no handrails on the jetty. This would be completely understandable if it happened in this country, however there are no such rules over there. So she is now attempting to apply our rules and standards to another country. Fail number one.

Now, she honestly believes that she can use the solicitors of Britain to sue a town half a world away. And this is despite the fact that legal advice has told her that she would be unable to lodge a successful claim. Fail number two.

Finally, the fact she is out of pocket is that she forgot to take out travel insurance in the first place. She booked the holiday online so she is either just plain stupid or this is a convenient excuse to attempt to sue somebody. My verdict is that she tried to save money and is she now looking for a convenient excuse to get her money back. Fail number three, and you’re out!

…And the Pointless

This week it was the TIME Magazine cover which held a picture of a three-year-old breastfeeding that sparked controversy this week. Supposedly, people were upset because of the age of the child. But my question is why does it matter?

And the concept of breastfeeding is not the only reason I’m talking about this. I’m talking about this because people still seem to think that it’s their place to tell people how to raise their child. Now I’m not saying that inciting hatred or beating them is right as they are blanket issues which come into contact with the law of the land. But this breastfeeding picture in TIME Magazine seems to imply that people should be able to tell other people exactly how long to do something for, when to do something, and if they don’t do it they judge them.

Take a look at the slogan on the front: “Are You Mom Enough?” Already it’s implying that those who don’t breastfeed for this long are in some way inferior to other mothers. The article inside might not imply that, but the fact is that people are going to glean that sort of impression when they read the front cover.

Seriously, mind your own damn business!

The So Outrageous Yet Borderline Hilarious

Cockfighting is illegal in every US state, however it still goes on in places like California due to the fact that getting caught for illegal cockfighting only incurs a misdemeanour, whereas in other states it amounts to a serious criminal offense. The cocks (pun intended) got their revenge this week, though, as one man felt the full force of one cock (pun is still intended), and simultaneously suffered the consequences of breaking the law on cocks (pun will always be intended from now).

During the illegal cockfighting in the central California county of Tulare, the two animals had sharp knives attached to their legs; which is common practice. But Jose Luis Ochoa, aged 35, who was attending the fight, got more than he bargained for when he was attacked by one of the participant’s cocks.

The cock stabbed him in his leg with one of the knives and he was pronounced dead when he arrived at the hospital two hours later. At the moment, they are debating whether it was the fault of the people present that he died as he wasn’t given immediate treatment, but the fact is that he’s dead and it must have been a serious injury.

The coroner’s report reads “sharp force injury” to the right calf of Mr. Ochoa. Animal lovers will be smiling everywhere right now.

A Positive Outlook for the Week

Do you remember the time when you find a comedian who you really love for years and years and years, but as he gets older he steadily gets worse. You stay and watch him, but eventually people tell him he needs to stop. He doesn’t stop, though. He continues until you just want to kill him with a rusty hammer made out of the tears of the mass unemployed. Jeremy Hunt is like that, although he was never loved. But this week, I think he’s going to finally go.

So maybe next week won’t be so bleak and irritating after all…