You’re most definitely not alone honey. I know a lot of people who feel this way, and there is nothing ‘wrong’ with feeling this way, it is simply how we feel. We can’t help it. The only thing we can do is struggle on through it. Honestly I think people who suffer depression, or any form of mental health problem than comes with depression, are some of the strongest people on earth. It’s so easy to give in and say you’re done, you can’t take any more, you just want out now. It takes a hell of a lot to hang on and struggle through what seems like an endless battle. It is especially hard when, so often, you come out of one period and find you only have a brief respite before the next one comes along and whacks you back down again. It’s exhausting.

Hi Jess, glad to have made you feel better. I often struggle to write when I’m depressed, but I usually force myself to do so, even if it’s only to get down on paper what I’m feeling, so I can come back to it later and try and make some sense out of it. I find it actually helps, writing it down, almost like an exorcism. I’m glad reading this helped you xx

Your ability to produce such quality work while coming out of depression is truly amazing and inspiring to me! It’s moving to read a description of my own life so seamlessly crafted.

I’m so happy to have stumbled across Autumn Showers. Thank you for sharing something that is so personal. Reading this today made me feel proud and not ashamed. It’s okay to be bipolar and it has nothing to do with being lazy or crazy!

Oh honey I’m so sorry *hugs* You’ll get there, the down always comes back up, eventually. Sometimes it seems to take forever, and most of the time it seems impossible, but you just have to hold on to the thought that you will come out of it eventually. It’s the only way I’ve ever found of getting through it; accept the fact you feel like hell, but remember that it won’t last forever xx

I have to say I’m very glad to hear you’ve only brushed the edges and never fallen in. It’s a very large, dark, incredibly deep pit, which is unbelievably difficult to climb out of, so if you ever find yourself near that edge again, back away, very quickly. That’s easier said than done, but generally speaking I find that it’s a lot easier to do if you recognise you’re on the edge, rather than realising you WERE on the edge, once you’re already falling. So, if you ever notice that edge looming again, get help. Immediately. Even if it’s only to message me and say ‘hey, Hazel, my toes appear to be perilously close to the edge again, what do I do?’. At that point I will likely give you a big hug and drag you backwards 😀

I wanted to second Michael’s comment. Whenever I read something you’ve written, it’s real and clever and vibrant and worthwhile. No matter our personal circumstances, I think we all look back and feel like we could have done more with our time. But maybe it’s what we *have* done that matters. And, you know … everything we do comes out of who we are. If you hadn’t spent that week paused, this article wouldn’t exist. Taking what you battle with and turning it into inspiration? Hell, yes, that’s a win.

Thanks, Michael, that is a lovely sentiment 🙂

Hazel, writing a post of that quality and conveying that much real feeling and perception of what you experience can most certainly **NOT** be considered “pathetic.” Probably a good 95% of the people online and typing away in various places at the moment couldn’t produce something of the quality of your story just now even if they spent a week at it: don’t berate yourself for what you don’t do, and underrate what you do do … just imagine and remind yourself of what you CAN do when you actually DO do.

– Michael