Samuel Shiro

News in Briefs 03/06/12

Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twel…damn there’s a lot of boats on the River Thames today. I hope one of them doesn’t sink, although I admit that I do have my fingers crossed. Still, it’s better than listening to more garbage from a banker/politician/some random civilian. I just wish that the BBC would reveal to me the news for today.

Political Oops of the Week

This is going to sound awful, but I laughed at the Syria massacre this week. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but you are wrong. I wasn’t laughing at the fact that many people were slaughtered by armed terrorists, or as the rest of the world call it: the Syrian Government. I was laughing at the fact that the UN is so inept and is so useless that it’s laughable.

Instead of actually taking action this week all they did was repeatedly condemn it with meaningless words on the news channel, as well as promising action that will never come. But it’s not just because what happened this time, it’s because it happens all the time. If you are really so “outraged” then surely you should be doing something about it?

You know I consider this a political oops because it shadows the failed League of Nations from the early 20^th century. And we all know what happened when the failure of that organisation grew and grew. We ended up dealing with the single biggest conflict in human history. I’m not saying that the Syria massacre is going to cause that, but it really does highlight the failures of the organisation when it comes to actually enforcing its will across the globe.

Fire planet — This will be your fault, UN. Condemn that!

The Painful…

The fact that Piers Morgan hasn’t been assassinated yet, the unfortunate truth that people are starving all over the world, but nothing was more painful than what I had to witness on Saturday night. Yes, England v Belgium. That was perhaps the single most painful thing I’ve had to watch in very recent memory. If England honestly believe that they stand a chance against any relevant teams then they are sadly mistaken.

What the game last night showed was that sometimes football can be the most mind numbing experience on the planet. England simple held their shape and waited for Belgium to give them the ball, and when they had the ball they just passed it around without making many incisive movements. The only good part was the end as that’s when they actually decided to play football.

Crusader — That about sums up England's authenticity.

All England v Belgium showed was that the team is still weak. It’s still a team of individuals playing for themselves. And they are still inferior to many other countries on the planet. The English league might be the best league in the world, but that’s certainly not because of the English players.

…And the Pointless

We’ve all seen the story about the British woman who was caught smuggling cocaine in Indonesia; the Bali area to be exact. Rachel Dougall was the woman involved in this. She was arrested at the airport with over 4kg of cocaine in blocks, and that’s about £1.56m in street value. And all she could do was try to defend herself by saying that she did it for her sons who were under threat from bad people in Britain. Well boo hoo!

The fact is that you are guilty. You have been caught smuggling cocaine into Indonesia. The authorities were right when in similar terms they expressed that they couldn’t care less and it makes absolutely no difference. She did it. End of story.

What irritates me is that the BBC is acting as if she is the victim here though. She is not the victim. She is a felon and Britain can’t help her as she has broken the laws of that country. And now we are listening to stories about how she’s losing her mind in the police holding cells. Good! That’s how it’s supposed to work, it’s called prison. Just because our prisons are softer than a caramel-covered marshmallow doesn’t mean everybody else’s is. You are guilty. You are going to die. And you have nobody to blame but yourself. Now please just end the almost-daily coverage of her, please.

The So Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious

Do you know when some lard-packing doughnut master walks down the street and you just think to yourself: “What a fat bastard.”? Well if you act on it in the future then that could be a hate crime. Unbelievably, MPs were actually debating the idea on making calling someone fat a hate crime. What an absolute joke this country really is sometimes. If you’re fat, you’re fat. It’s not a hate crime, it’s the truth. If you can’t fit through the doors at your local fast food restaurant then you are fat; or you’re wearing a large costume.

If this went through then it would be on par with racism and being homophobic. So if you’re a fat bastard and somebody refers to you as such then you could get them arrested. But in reality there’s not even any reasoning behind this. With racism you are born the colour you are so you can’t change a thing. With homophobic remarks you have the tastes you do and you can’t change that. If you’re fat then you can probably change that. The problem is that you are too busy sitting down eating an extra-large curry and threatening to blow a hole in the sofa with a mini nuclear warhead coming out of your rectal launch sites.

I’m quite frankly tired of this idea that we have to make everybody feel great about themselves. Why a disgusting, overweight tub of goo should be made to feel great about themselves when what they are doing is on the level of self-harm is beyond rational thought. We seem to think slicing your wrists open in a dark corner of your black-painted bedroom is a problem, so why not binge eating and making yourself into the second coming of Godzilla?

So maybe next week won’t be so bleak and irritating after all…

Your Kids Are Depressed? No They’re ******* Not!

If there’s anything that’s truly a fixture of the world we live in then it certainly has to be the fact that we always have to think that every child is depressed because they’re not happy. A recent BBC article really highlighted the whole depressed people thing today as it reported that 1,000 under 18s had been referred to mental health teams in Sussex.

We’ve actually had this turn up quite a few times now as a few years ago there was a big media storm over the subscribing of antidepressants to young people. Now, depression is a strange beast. It’s not something that’s imaginary, like certain people would have you believe. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is weak either. What it means is that when depression is genuine something needs to be done. The problem is that you can be diagnosed with depression at the slightest thing these days.

Obviously, the number of children who are depressed is going to be higher due to the fact that this isn’t something that was taken seriously; mental health problems as a whole weren’t taken seriously. We also have to acknowledge that our population has increased significantly over the years so the number of depressed people will naturally increase.

What people have to acknowledge is that being sad once in a while does not equal depression. Depression can come in many forms, but it isn’t occasional. Some depressed people may switch between happy and sad every few hours, or it may even be prolonged periods of happy and sad over months. This is depression and these people need help, they are the genuine ones, and many of the ones who claim to have depression today won’t fall into these groups.

What would make a child fall into depression, though?

I’m not going to go into the blatantly obvious things like an abusive household because that’s plain obvious and it would be an insult to dedicate half of a page to it. Some people believe that the accessibility of the world’s events is to blame. There’s no doubt that the world is a depressing place to be in, and this worry and anxiety that’s always permeated the mass media will naturally fall on the heads of children. And children will have access to all of this stuff because they are usually more technology orientated than most adults.

Another reason? Well there’s the argument that the stress of school is a major factor, but I completely disagree with this for the most part as that’s always been present and we are seeing a spike in the number of depressed children in recent years. I would agree that those who are bullied on a regular basis may garner some depression as being bullied is a traumatic experience. I, myself, was bullied and I had a horrible time for years, but luckily for me the chav bastard died at the age of 18 from an ‘unlucky’ brain aneurysm. I’m very happy about what happened and it did lift a weight off my shoulders as I did believe that justice was done, but such karmic justice isn’t present for many people. I understand that many children who don’t have their bullying issues resolved will feel cheated, and that will certainly contribute to depression.

Dead guy — An over exaggerated representation of karmic justice.

However, what I believe the main reason is is the lack of parental love in the world these days. There’s no getting away from the fact that many depressed people don’t have the support or regular companionship of their parents. And this can be attributed to many things. Some may argue that it’s declining family values. Some may argue that it’s because most families tend to have both parents who work for long periods these days. I believe that it’s due to the fact that many parents don’t realise what they are doing. If a parent decides to forgo spending time with their child for an hour or two then what happens? Usually, absolutely nothing so they believe that everything is ok when really it’s not.

This is usually when we start seeing the spoiled brat who has all of these presents and gifts and yet they are still upset. Many people can’t fathom why someone with everything could be so upset. But what they don’t take into account is that material goods can’t substitute long-term love and affection. It just doesn’t work. There’s absolutely no correlation between amount of material goods and long-term happiness. In fact, that’s how those with everything can still become depressed. This is due to a psychological incident known as hedonic adaptation (or the hedonic treadmill), which is where humans become happy when they receive material goods and revert back to emotional stability after the initial period of euphoria is over.

Materials are temporary. Love is forever. That’s why your kids are supposedly depressed.

Martians On Mars? Nah, Probably Not

The idea that the legend of Martians on Mars is actually true has taken a further blow as the building blocks of life, which are present on the red planet, did not actually come from any life forms. Granted, it was a long shot in the beginning, but it’s nice to have a little bit of faith in these things. It allows us to make lots of bad Sci-Fi films.

Anyway, the journal Science published its findings about the building blocks of life on Mars. Carbon is required for life on the red planet, the green planet, our planet, and any other planet that hopes to support life as its the main organic molecule that makes up practically everything. If you’ve ever taken a class in chemistry then you’ll realise just how often carbon pops up.

The scientists from Washington D.C. who ran their research from the Carnegie Institution for Science discovered that Mars actually has lots of reduced carbon. Reduced carbon is actually a different form of carbon. To put it simply, reduced carbon is a molecule that’s bonded either to a hydrogen atom or to itself. I’m not going to go into exactly how bonds work or anything, the point is that these are much smaller molecules as carbon normally has four bonds to utilise.

Ok, we’ve answered that. But does it answer the claims by geeks all around the world that Martians on Mars isn’t just a fantasy? In a way it does as this carbon was found to have been produced by volcanic activity. And that’s certainly possible since Mars has the largest known volcano around. On a side note, to give you a sense of scale of Olympus Mons (latin for Mount Olympus) it’s nearly three times the size of Mount Everest when it’s above ground level. Furthermore, it has a large moat surrounding its base that’s thought to be there due to its weight pressing down on the surface of the planet. But the truth is that there are other smaller volcanoes on the red planet as well.

It doesn’t mean to say that life on Mars doesn’t exist as this is only a small sample, but it does hit that myth and reduce its credibility significantly. What this research does mean, though, is that there could have been life on Mars at some point. It also tells us that life could exist on Mars in the future. And that’s something to be happy about as it’s always been one of those space possibilities of tomorrow.

News in Briefs 27/05/12

The heat is on, literally, and quite frankly I can’t stand it. That’s why it took me a while to write this column without making use of the overused four-letter word on a repeated basis. I feel quite calm at the moment so I’m giving it a try. Anyway, the saving grace is that I’m not short of material to write about this week.

Political Oops of the Week

This week it’s all about the sport of football, and that’s not just because the European Championships are already upon us. We all know that Sepp Blatter is one of the most corrupt individuals in the world. I’m not going to act like a corrupt official is anything new, but what is shocking is just how corrupt and how biased he is. At least world governments try to hide it to some degree.

This week Sepp Blatter came out and said this: “Football can be a tragedy when you go to penalty kicks… Football should not go to one to one. When it goes to penalty kicks football loses its essence.” Fair enough, he’s voicing his opinion. But he lacks consistency as he said this about the World Cup in 2010: “If there is no winner at the end of 90 minutes of play, we would proceed directly to penalty kicks.”

And what’s more, he made things even worse by appointing a team headed by Franz Beckenbauer to come up with an alternative. Yes, that same figure who’s also the honorary president of Bayern Munich. The same team that just lost on penalties to the Premier League team that finished in sixth. Sometimes I wish that he would just come out and say that he hates English teams.

We can even go back to the decision to hold the 2018 World Cup in Russia. That was a good decision to hold it in one of the most racist countries in the world. Just look at the European Championships, only 3,000 England fans are travelling and some of the players have even told their relatives to stay at home due to their fears of racist attacks.

The Painful…

This week it’s the sun, that dodgy English summer. This is going to be quite controversial as many people seem to love the sun, but why is this such big news? Every year the news is filled with comparisons to other hot countries to show how we are hotter than them. I’m sure those in paradise are wishing that they were surrounded by a group of topless chavs in Swindon because of a slightly overcast day. And that brings me to my next point. What is it with British people and taking their shirts off when the weather turns like this? It’s made even worse as it’s always the fatties and the drug addicts who have to do it.

I can already hear your silent protests that our English summer allows you to have fun outside. Yes, it does allow you to have fun outside, but have you ever tried sleeping at night in this heat? You could sleep in a museum exhibition named ‘The Arctic Wasteland’ and you would still be watching as your testicles dissolve into a gloopy mess. This lack of sleep leads people to becoming hot and bothered, before they finally snap and everyone is praying that the rain and the clouds will come. It happens every year, and quite frankly I’m tired of it.

Summer 2012 — Filled with rain, storms, and an ice cream truck strike!

…And the Pointless

This week a Doncaster vicar came under investigation because he apparently used bad language on Facebook! Oh no! The sad thing is that some sad parasite actually reported him to…well everybody. They sent messages to the Bishop of Sheffield, the Bishop of Doncaster, the Right Reverend Peter Burrows, and a whole host of other figures. Of course, this coward decided to remain anonymous so everybody else wouldn’t know how much of a stain on the underwear of society they really are.

This actually made the news as well. What shocks me is how some people are so out of touch that they think that vicars don’t swear and vicars are beacons of morality when they are away from work. We all do it, your mother does it, you do it, David Cameron does it, and, evidently, he does it. The fact that this was made into a major issue just goes to show that either the news is getting boring or more and more people need to find a surgeon to get those metal rods out of their rectal tunnels. I just hope this Doncaster vicar walks free.

The So Outrageous That It’s Borderline Hilarious

The Highland Council’s Independent Group is concerned about low voter turnouts in the recent council elections. That’s understandable, I mean recent years have shown that it doesn’t matter if the people don’t like something because it will happen anyway. It sort of makes voting a little pointless, does it not? But it’s also important to mention that Scottish councils use the Single Transferable Vote (STV) system. This basically means that voters rank the candidates in their order of preference. Pretty simple, right?

Not according to this group who are claiming that people didn’t vote because the system is too complicated. Strangely enough, this was supposedly one of the reasons why people voted against the Alternative Voting system last year. But what strikes me is how can people find STV complicated? How can people be so stupid that they don’t understand such a basic system?

I would be spending less time complaining about the amount of people voting and more time complaining about a dire education system, if this is true. Of course, it could be just because people are disillusioned with politics, but if it’s true then George Bush would be considered a frickin’ genius if he lived in this country.

So maybe next week won’t be so bleak and irritating after all…

Animals Do Have Personalities

Chimpanzees apparently do have personalities, according to a new study. Although, what first struck me was: “How does one define a personality?” I’ve always viewed it as something quite subjective. When I consider someone to be the type of person who lacks a personality, I tend to have people who disagree with me. They’re wrong, of course, but they still disagree with me.

Anyway, the research team at the University Of Edinburgh apparently found that Chimpanzees do have personalities. What is an animal personality, though? Well an animal personality is defined as the differences between different animals. To make it a little clearer, if there’s a fish and he can see some bait in the water. A fish with personality A may think to himself that he doesn’t want to take the risk and isn’t interested anymore. A fish with personality B may decide he will take the risk to get the juicy piece of bait on the end of the hook. And this can be applied to a variety of different scenarios.

The study also specified that chimpanzees and animals like Orang-utans, which are sometimes referred to as ‘People of the Jungle’, need and require friends just like most humans. But surely we knew this in the beginning due to the herd mentality of many species of ape? If you watch any nature show then you will see it. In fact, some species of ape will even get their protein from killing and cannibalising other apes.

What does all this mean, though?

In short, it will have very little impact on our scientific advancement, nor will it influence tomorrow or anything like that. What it will show, with a little more research, is that we did evolve from a common ancestor; the common ancestor being the ancestor chimpanzees evolved from too. And this will have a profound impact on a variety of religious sects as they still don’t believe that evolution even exists.

Furthermore, a question I’ve always wondered about, is who exactly is this common ancestor? If we can gradually trace ourselves back then it will yield the various incarnations of ourselves all the way throughout history. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but it is a point of interest at least.

On a side note, the only thing we have to be surprised about is why didn’t we know all this before? Why do humans still find it hard to grasp that we are just really intelligent apes? Why do so many humans still think we came from somewhere special, as if we are not like anything else on our planet? If we did then surely we could have predicted this to start with. Surely we are just slightly more intelligent monkeys?

Cloning is Here (in Korea)!

You would have thought that cloning a woolly mammoth would mean big news in this country, however it apparently doesn’t as there’s been absolutely no coverage for it. Russia and South Korean scientists signed an agreement to work together to recreate a woolly mammoth recently.

This is especially interesting as the mammoth last walked the earth about 4,500 years ago. But global warming has finally provided us with something good as the bones of these mammoths were uncovered when the permafrost of Russia’s Siberian plains melted.

The famous clone scientist Hwang Yoo-Suk signed on behalf of South Korea with Vasily Vasiliev signing on behalf of Russia’s North-Eastern Federal University in the Yakutsk area of Siberia. This is monumental because the idea hasn’t sparked any protests from people who want to hold back science due to their outdated ethical beliefs. Or maybe it’s just countries like the UK and the US that have people like that?

Hwang Yoo-Suk is perhaps the most famous scientist specialising in cloning on the planet as he successfully cloned the first dog in 2005. He and his team also unveiled eight cloned coyotes in October of 2011. However, like any good scientist, he has had his fair share of setbacks as in 2005 his research that supposedly read that human cloning could now be done was found to be faked. Nevertheless, he continued on and he is now one of the most respected scientists in the world.

The woolly mammoth is expected to be created by using tissue from the remains of the mammal recovered from the Siberian plains. The tissues are supposedly going to be cloned by using the eggs from a modern Indian elephant.

The Korea Herald then reported that a nuclear transfer process would be used on the tissue and the eggs would then be implanted into a live elephant so the mammal can give birth to the mammoth. This is a mammoth undertaking (pun intended) and this will push our ability to clone animals even further. Maybe one day we will manage to clone a fully fledged human?

But is this wrong in any way? My answer is no. Some people may argue that it’s messing with nature and playing god, and most of these people hold on to silly beliefs from thousands of years ago, but more practical people might argue that it causes undue suffering to the animals involved. The fear of creating mutants and deformed organisms is also a genuine concern.

When it comes to the undue suffering of animals I would argue that this is nothing new and we regularly test our latest medicines on them all the time. Granted, it never makes the news, but it does happen. You have to think about it like this. You can’t cause zero pain and take zero risk and still take the rewards. There’s risk and there’s pain, but for that we get the rewards that can take us into the future. The problem with people is that they only care about themselves and where they are now. Too many people look to the present and not to the future, and the worst of them even look purely at the past. The only way we can get past this is by having a more open mind, and that’s probably why we are talking about South Korea and Russia instead of the USA and the UK. This is one woolly mammoth for now, but in the future who knows?